Imitating Lewis...

So one of the assignments that we had for our C.S. Lewis class was to write a letter in the style of the Screwtape Letters. If you aren't familiar with them, the Screwtape letters were a series of letters which were published in a newspaper just before WWII, written by Lewis. He was writing as an arcdemon who was instructing his younger and less experienced nephew who had a particular person that he was trying to tempt into the camp of "our Father Below." Obviously then, when he refers to the "Enemy," Lewis is referring to God.
Our assignment was to write a letter in the style of Lewis' Screwtape letters, but about the person being tempted was a Cornerstone student (obviously not anyone in particular).
Here is that assignment!

My dear Wormwood,

It has been 8 years now to the day since you have allowed your charge to join the forces of the enemy, and you still have yet to bring him back to us. In light of that disappointing failure, I have decided to write you and give some suggestions to help further you along toward that end. I hear that he has recently begun his career at a biblical university. You may think that this is a tragedy, but in fact this can be used to our advantage in many ways. You should at all times cause him to dwell upon his laurels, and cause him to be lulled into a spiritual trance and so it will become easy for him to become complacent in his cursed faith. Send him to chapels not infrequently for he will soon become bored with the message and quickly tune it out for “he has heard this a million times before.” A secondary benefit to these chapels is that they have the effect of being a replacement for church services. You should at all times turn his mind on those mornings to the comfort of sleep and the fact that he has already heard three messages this week. In doing so he will quickly form a habit of not communicating with the forces of the Enemy.

A secondary benefit of his attending a Christian university is that it will be easy for you to keep in the front of his mind his superior spirituality as he walks through the campus. Show him at all times the girl who he thinks wears too little, or the boy who swears “frequently.” In doing this you will lull him into a confidence in his own ability to be holy and will be very close to our camp. He may quickly abandon his faith when he sees all of this religious hypocrisy, if you only keep from his mind the very hypocritical nature of his condemnation of hypocrisy. In all things, do not let him read his bible, save for classes where he will learn it to be a textbook for all sorts of criticism. Finally, keep his mind ever thinking of the latest sports event or music show or whatever he loves and slow set it up as the single thing which dominates his attention and you will quickly turn him away from the camp of the Enemy and into a faithful follower of whichever idol you set up.

Your Uncle,

Screwtape.

-Jared